The struggle: HACKED!

So here I am. 25 years old, standing in the same spot that hundreds of thousands of other former foster youth have been in before. And yet, this all seems so familiar. I’m tired. Exhausted, actually. I don’t know how to stop the cycle from continuing, where I take 10 steps forward and then 12 back.

​Life is hard, everybody. Just different kinds of hard, and I acknowledge that. But I can't just dismiss my struggle just because others have it harder. Here are 7 things every foster kid should never feel sorry or guilty about: 

1. Putting Your Own Needs First

After a lifetime of navigating the systems and moods of others to stay safe, choosing yourself can feel like "selfishness." It isn't. It is self-preservation. You are allowed to protect your peace, even if it means saying no to others.

2. Not Having "Traditional" Milestones

Society loves to track success by certain ages—graduating, buying a home, or career leaps. If your 20s are spent just learning how to feel safe or stable, that is a massive achievement. Your timeline doesn't have to look like anyone else's.

3. Cutting Ties with Toxic People

Whether it’s biological family, former foster connections, or "friends" who drain you, you are not obligated to keep people in your life who compromise your mental health. Loyalty should be earned, not demanded by blood or history.

4. Needing (and Asking for) Help

There is a unique pride in being "hyper-independent" because you had to be. But needing a hand doesn't mean you're failing; it means you're human. You shouldn't feel guilty for utilizing resources or leaning on a support system.

5. Feeling Angry or Grieving

You are allowed to be angry at the system, at the past, and at the unfairness of the "cycle." You don't have to be the "resilient success story" every minute of the day. Grieving the childhood or stability you didn't have is a necessary part of healing.

6. Relapsing into Old Habits

When things get hard, the brain often defaults to old survival mechanisms. If you fall back into old patterns, don't waste energy on guilt. Acknowledge it as a sign that you’re under too much pressure, and then try again. The "12 steps back" are often just part of the recalibration.

7. Prioritizing Rest

If you are exhausted, it’s because you’ve been carrying a load that would break most people. You don't have to be "productive" to be worthy. You are allowed to just be without constantly hustling to prove you can make it.

And hear me loud and clear foster kid. You are somebody. You are here and you should be. You are valued and worthy. No matter what anybody tells you or makes you believe nothing change the fact that I don't have to know you to believe in you. You can and will be the future and you can change the trajectory of life for so many foster youth that will come after you

Keep coming back to this blog and I'll tell you how. 

Oh and PS Stop comparing your chapter one to someone else’s chapter twenty. Comparison doesn't change your history. We are simply doing the work late—learning to love ourselves at 25 because no one showed us how at five. We’re finally giving ourselves the education our families never could.

 GIVE YOURSELF SOME GRACE AND SOME TIME. Trust me. With love,

Yah girl 🤙